World domination. It’s the goal of any number of nefarious characters in books and movies. (Don’t even get me started on comic books…) But what those pop culture perspectives often fail to cover is all the effort, time, and of course, money, involved in dominating the world; something about not wanting people to get any ideas, or something. That’s where I come in.
If you followed my advice last week on building up your world domination skills, you’re well prepared for both the conquering, and the ruling of the planet. (If you haven’t, what are you waiting for? Get back there and read how to learn all you need to know about planet dominating!) All the skill in the world isn’t enough, though, you also need money to put your plans into action.
Hence the purpose of today’s post:
Building a World Conquering Fortune
There are plenty of good options for building up money, particularly if you are willing to stretch the rules (and if you’re planning to overthrow every government on the planet and replace them with your own ruling class, you probably should be willing to stretch the current rules). Just be sure not to attract too much attention to your wrongdoing at this point; you don’t want to end up running your plans from inside a jail. Still, there are plenty of ways to get yourself enough money to dominate the planet, or at least a small nation or two, including:
1. Conning Your Way to Wealth: Ah, the con job. A classic means of gaining money for those, who, to put it mildly, are willing to stretch their money making efforts to the legally questionable options available out there. Luckily for you, as you attempt to gain your first million or two, you have more than a few options available for scams, assuming you don’t mind being called scum occasionally. Luckily, most people don’t bother to read through helpful articles like these, so you’ll have plenty of options available.
2. Finding Wealthy Backers: If you prefer to go for a more legal method to gain the money you need for world domination, you do have plenty of options. Possibly the easiest way is to find someone else who is looking to conquer the planet and get them to provide you with the money that you need to dominate the planet. It will cost you a few small countries when you are running the world, but what is the bulk of Europe when you have control of the other six continents? If you want to know where to start, try looking through the richest people are on the planet; they’ve got the money, and surely some of them want to have even more power * cough * Bill Gates * cough *. Speaking of wealthy business people…
3. Start a business: Businesses are one of most effective ways to earn money that you have available, and most of them are legal, to boot! If that wasn’t enough, in many circles, businessmen and women are already considered evil incarnate, so you’ll already have a nice start on building up your reputation as evil. Of course, you’re need to work quite a while in order to build up world-domination riches, but hey, you’re up for it. There’s plenty of good advice out there to help you get your start on building a business (sadly, the amount on building an EVIL business, or a business devoted to domination of the world, at least, is sadly lacking).
4. Investing: I could hardly cover possible means for building up your wealth without mentioning investments. It’s definitely a way to build up your money, without even having to work. Unfortunately, if you want to do it the right way, buying a passive investment and simply waiting while it grows in value, it’ll take you decades to get enough to have a decent retirement, let alone finance the control of the entire planet. You’ll have to stick to more speculative methods of investment to build your portfolio quick enough for decent world domination speed. (And hey, if you’re planning on being less than legal in your world-domination plans, anyway, why not do some of that insider trading you’ve heard so much about?)
There you go, a few options to build up your world conquering finances, to gain that small fortune any would-be world ruler needs to have at his or her fingertips. After all, henchmen (and women, and things…) don’t work for free, and you’ll definitely need some cash to gather enough to rule the globe. But that’s the diabolical subject of next week’s post.
What would you suggest to the average would-be world-dominator to build up their funds? How much money should you have before starting your world take over plans? Is it too easy to just take your fortune, buy a private island, and forget about your world domination plans, and if so, how do you stay focused on your master plan?
(A Final Note: Just in case the humorous nature of this post has passed you by, many of the things recommended here aren’t what I’d actually suggest to earn money, at least, during your planning stages. Don’t do anything TOO illegal, ethically questionable or risky before you run the planet. Of course, once the planet is yours to command and control, then you can do whatever you’d like.)