Previously, on Wacky Wednesday…You know what? No, we’re not going back to the future this week. Instead, we’re going to take a little break and celebrate St. Patrick’s Day in the finest Irish tradition. No, not drunk and singing in the local pub; catching a leprechaun!
So, you’ve finally sat down and figured out your finances, and it looks like you need a miracle to make ends meet. No, scratch that; a miracle is far too subtle a word for what you need. You need a sizable amount of pure magic squeezed into the shape of a funny little man wearing green clothing.
You’ve probably guessed it by now, but this week, we’re looking into how to hunt leprechauns! (I only put it in the title and mentioned it in the introduction; how many more hints do you need?) Now, these little buggers are diabolically tricky to catch, and leprechaun traps aren’t exactly sold in the corner store, so you’re going to need to follow these steps exactly:
1) Get thee to Ireland: While leprechauns can be found anywhere that the children of the Emerald Isle call home (and occasionally, wherever people wear ‘Kiss Me, I’m Irish’ shirts as a way to get some first base action), the largest number can still be found in their native land. If you want the best chance of catching one (or more), you’ll need to get to Ireland as soon as possible.
2) Find a Good Hunting Ground: With so few reported leprechaun sightings, it’s difficult to get an exact bead on where they might be located. It is worth remembering that besides being known for hiding gold and an inexplicable fondness for children’s cereals, leprechauns are cobblers, first and foremost. Find somewhere with plenty of handmade shoes (try an old-fashioned shoe store), and you’ve got a good start on finding your leprechaun.
3) Creating a Trap: Are you supernaturally strong, fast, and otherwise physically adept? If not, then you’ll probably want to set a trap rather than try to catch one of the wily buggers on your own. There are plenty of sites that claim to show you how to build a leprechaun trap, but don’t believe them; if you knew how to catch a magical, gold-hoarding creature, would you reveal the secret? On that note, my suggestion is a non-lethal, catch and release trap of some kind; you want something that will capture the leprechaun without killing or seriously hurting the little person.
4) Bait the Trap: Here’s the tough part (well, one of many, I suppose): how do you entice a centuries-old, frail looking, miniature fairy man whose biggest hobbies are making shoes, hoarding treasure, and drinking punks like you under the table? Gold is a popular suggestion, but then, if you had a chunk of gold just sitting around, you wouldn’t need a leprechaun, would you? For better luck, try using some postcards by Amy Brown or Nene Thomas; if pictures of scantily clad fairy girls don’t get your leprechaun’s attention, I don’t know what will.
5) Success! – If you followed the first several steps, it should just be a matter of time before a leprechaun falls for your trap; if you took my advice on the type of bait to use, listen for a wolf whistle followed by a lot of cursing in Gaelic to indicate that its sprung successfully. Congratulations, you’ve caught a leprechaun!
Now, you have to be very, very, VERY careful from this point on; leprechauns, like all fairy folk, are diabolically tricky, and will use every attempt to escape. You need to (carefully) remove him from the trap, while keeping a tight (but careful) grip on him to prevent him from escaping. There’s a number of issues you’ll need to be concerned with while you try to get the truth out of your leprechaun captive, including:
- The leprechaun may offer you a gold or silver coin from his pocket in lieu of taking you to his treasure. DON’T DO IT! The coins he carries with him are magic and not for human use (the silver coin returned to his pocket each time it is spent, the gold coin turns into a rock).
- Don’t accept his ‘treasure’ at face value, either; it might be ‘leprechaun gold’, which will disappear at dawn. Keep a good grip on the little sprite until you’ve ensured that the gold is real.
- You have to keep an eye on the leprechaun, as well; the moment you blink or otherwise turn away, he’ll flee away with the speed of a rabbit. For that reason, it’d be good to work with one or more partners and practice blinking in turn; that way, there will always be at least one of you looking at the leprechaun.
- When it comes down to it, there’s only one really, truly good way to ensure that you get what you want out of a leprechaun, and that is… hunh? What did you say?
DID YOU JUST LOSE THE LEPRECHAUN?
How’d that happen? Never mind, what’s done is done; I was afraid of this happening, anyway. Of course, the next step is the same whether you were successful or not:
6) Go to the Pub and Have a Few Drinks: So, you had the leprechaun, but you ended up losing it. Or maybe you successfully managed to get a hold of the pot of gold and want to go out and celebrate. Either way, the next place you should go is to the nearest pub. A nice, stiff drink will ease your sorrows, while buying a round for the house is a great way to celebrate your new fortune. If you do get the leprechaun gold, though, be careful of people offering to watch the pot for you while you hit the head; they might be genuine, but they could also be thieves (or even the wee folk, reclaiming what’s theirs).
Note: As you might have guessed; this post was entirely tongue in cheek. It’s just a little something to have some fun. No offense was meant to anyone, human, leprechaun, or scantily clad fairy girl. Have a Happy St. Patrick’s Day, everyone!
Shout Outs I Missed
As I was going over my list of links yesterday, I realized that I missed a few people who took the time to promote my blog. Since I always try to return a favor like that (when I’m aware of it, at least; sometimes these things are never brought to my attention), here’s their shout outs: