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April 24, 2014



Jobs I Would Do For Free

For most of us, the main motivation to get up and go to work in the morning is the desire for a pay check.  After all, that’s practically the definition of work; something you wouldn’t normally want to do, but are willing to do in exchange for money.  Yes, there are other reasons to work, from the chance to better all humankind to simply having something to do every day, but primarily, it’s all about the money.

That said, there are some jobs where the intangible benefits of the job itself make me think that I’d be willing to take them on without any compensation.  These ‘dream jobs’ are the type that I’d consider doing, even if they’d pay so little (if at all) that I’d have to take a second (and possibly third) job just keep food on the table while doing so.  Some of these jobs are…

Playboy Photographer: It’s hard to imagine a man who wouldn’t want to take on this particular task (with the exception of those men who’d rather work for Playgirl, that is); heck, it was one of Homer Simpson’s dream jobs, along with rock star.  With the possible exception of ‘Being Hugh Hefner’ (a job that is, alas, already taken), there’s few examples of employment that sound more appealing.  There is a slight risk, I suppose, that spending hours each day trying to get the best shots of attractive, nude women could wear on you, and the last thing you’d want to see when you go home is your significant other naked, but that’s the kind of risk I’d be willing to take.

Not a Playboy Photographer, as far as I know; but did you really think I was going to use a picture from Playboy?

Not a Playboy Photographer, as far as I know; but did you really think I was going to use a picture from Playboy?

Penthouse Photographer: Actually, I suppose this is rather similar to being a Playboy photographer.  Somewhat naughtier magazine, slightly less prestigious, but still, the photographers employed there get to spend all day taking pictures of nude women; it’s not a bad deal.  Let’s just lump all such positions into one ‘gets to take naughty pictures of attractive females’ job and move on from there.

*Flips through a few pages of the Dream Job list*  Wow, there were a lot more naughty jobs than I thought at first.  That might say more about me than about how good the job would actually be.  Ah, here’s a non-naughty one:

Ruler of the World: Another position where the fringe benefits vastly outweigh the actual duties and responsibilities of the job.  As Tears for Fears put it, “Everybody Wants To Rule The World”; there’s something about the thought of lording it over all humanity that appeals to our innate desires.  Admittedly, the actual job of ruling would likely be tough and require long hours; still, it’s hard to say that that would be enough to dissuade me from wanting to pursue the position.  Of course, I don’t need to shoot that high to gain power…

Ruler of a Small Island Nation: Perhaps trying to take over the world is a bit much; it’s a goal that has thus far thwarted everyone from Pinky and The Brain to Stewie Griffin, and they had the advantages of being cartoon characters to help them out.  No, maybe I should set my sights lower, on a single nation.  Preferably something small, out of the way, unlikely to draw much attention if it suddenly is taken over by a benevolent ruler.  Perhaps something in the South Pacific; if you’re going to rule over an island, why not one with a great climate?  Although, the native uprisings and all that international diplomacy could get tiring; still, it’s a darn sight better than working in retail.

Superhero: Strong, fast, muscular, and able to pull off skintight spandex; there’s a lot to like about the superhero profession.  Plus, you don’t get paid for doing it, making it a perfect fit for our list already.  It has its downfalls, as well; supervillains constantly trying to destroy the world, the country, the city, or you, personally.  Still, you don’t see many of them around currently, so maybe I’ll luck out if and when I develop super powers.  Of course, there’s always the alternative path…

Supervillain: Not a bad alternative; just an evil one.  Besides having many of the same advantages as a superhero, there’s also no need to be noble and refuse compensation for using your powers; that’s the whole reason why you’d use them, to derive a profit or gain power.  True, a life of crime isn’t for everyone, but it’s definitely worth some consideration.

Mad Scientist: Similar to supervillain, although even more dependent on my extreme, twisted intellect.  From re-animating the dead to building doomsday devices to…re-animating the dead some more, there’s a lot you can accomplish with nearly impossible science, a willing supplier of all the money and supplies you need, and an almost reckless disregard for the laws of man and nature.  Plus, shrink rays!  Everyone loves shrink rays!

That’s about it; the jobs I’d do for free.  Admittedly, the number of openings for these positions is fairly small; they wouldn’t be dream jobs if they were open to just anyone.  Still, if you happen to have an ‘In’ with Playboy (or wherever I’d go to get a job as a despot or super-powered comic book character), let me know; I’m ready and willing to start my dream job at any time.

Comments

  1. Hahaha, nice. Why not just add in Hustler Photographer too?

    Here’s mine:

    http://www.financialsamurai.com/2010/05/12/the-list-of-dream-jobs-id-do-for-free-baby/
    .-= Financial Samurai´s last blog ..An Inside Look At The Yakezie- Stage One Recap! =-.

  2. @FS: Heh, I might have, but I was afraid that it would just end up being an endless list of pornographers. Your list is pretty interesting as well.

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