The Amateur Financier

Previously: There was good news and bad news about your latest attempt to use time travel to become rich without hard work or the need to wait for decades for your money to grow.  The bad news is that your grandfather ended up withdrawing your money and using it himself decades before you were born.  The good news is that he seems like he started a business with the money, so perhaps all is not lost…

As you talk to your aunts, uncles, and cousins at your grandfather’s birthday party, you begin to realize one of the biggest problems (if one of the generally unacknowledged ones) about using time travel to alter reality: you are out of sync with everyone you know, heck, the entire world.  Just about everything you say, from talk about current events to comments about which school your family members are attending, just gets you weird looks and weirder responses.  You decide to simply stop talking until you have time to closely scrutinize the history of the last fifty years and get on the same page as everyone else.

Still, you can’t resist trying to learn more about what your grandfather did with YOUR money.  He talked about a business he opened back in the sixties, and that it ‘changed his whole life’.  He didn’t mention any names, what the business did, or HOW it changed his life, although from the bored and knowing expressions on your other relatives’ faces, it’s a story that he told often enough that nobody needed to hear it any more.  Nobody but you, that is.

So, you attempt to subtly ask your relatives to share information about the business, without mentioning sports, politics, current events, or any personal information that would lead them to believe you’re not who you say you are.  (You can’t be sure that time travel exists in this version of reality; perhaps you’ll be mistaken as an identity stealing cyborg and dissected instead.)  It takes a while (none of your relatives particularly want to talk about Granddad’s business), but you eventually learn that it was called Omnicorp (an ominous company name if ever you’ve heard one, even more ominous than ‘Microsoft’), and it still seems to be in existence.

Excited, you decide to cut out all the middlemen and go directly to the source.  “Grandpa,” you ask, trying to sound curious but not completely ignorant, “tell me about Omnicorp.”  You think you’ve done alright; the question is vague enough that Grandpa can interpret it any way he wants, and will be unlikely to jump to the conclusion that you’re completely ignorant of the past five decades of family history.

“Well, well; I’m glad one of my grandchildren still wants to hear the stories from this old man,” he responds, beaming.  He proceeds to regale you with the story of how he used that sudden, unexpected wealth (YOUR money, you think with no small amount of bitterness that you play as close to your chest as possible) to start the Omnicorp, the ‘company that provides everything you need’ (somehow becoming even more ominous when you know the purpose behind the name).  He was planning to start with the consumer goods of the day that were becoming more and more essential to the average household, and gradually growing to be a major competitor in every technological field on the planet.

You give him credit; he has chutzpah, if nothing else.  Still, if the the business was still around, he must have done something right.  You aren’t in a giant compound, patrolled by bodyguards and decorated with gold and diamonds, so you’re guessing he never achieved his goal of a company that was tops in the incredibly large field of everything.  But even a small business, allowed to grow for decades, could still be influential and an excellent source of profit.

You want to ask what Omnicorp currently makes, but he speaks up before you have a chance, “You want to go visit the the factory?  This party’s starting to get a bit boring…”  You couldn’t ask for a better opportunity (or narrative convenience), so you readily agree and accompany him on a trip to the factory (he drives, so you don’t have to ask for directions to a place you should know how to reach).

You whistle in spite of yourself; the factory is big, really, really big.  You see the large ‘Omnicorp’ sign, and follow Gramps inside, still wondering what it actually produces.  Inside you see row after row of hamster cages, and you inadvertently flinch; there’s still so many memories of grooming hamsters.  You take a moment to remind yourself that these hamsters can’t talk, when you start to hear voices all around you.

You look around in surprise, glancing at your grandfather.  He’s standing next to a sign that says ‘Omnicorp: Proud Maker of Animal Translators Since 1978′.  Your mind reels at the implications; first, that animal translators actually exist, and second, that your grandfather has been making money off them since the time of disco (did disco even exist in this reality?  If not, they really dodged a bullet).  It just seems surreal (even more so than everything else that you’ve gone through lately).

You’re about to ask your grandfather all the questions burning in your chest, when a screen comes on next to him.  A dog appears, along with the crest of the President of the United States.  Your granddad, without missing a beat, says “Hello, Mr. President.”

Holy Hand Grenades, Batman!  Is a dog really the President?  Is he an improvement over the recent humans who’ve held the position in your original reality?  (It would be hard for him not to be.)  Is Roger losing the already tenuous connection between these stories and personal finance?  (Yep, it’s already gone.)  Find out on the next Wacky Wednesday.

I have a secret to share.  It’s one of the most important secrets in politics, one which most commentators are reluctant to share, but which can, once you hear it, color every political discussion you hear.  The secret is this: Most people, regardless of their political leanings, are logical, rational, intelligent people who have come to their political positions through reasons and rationality.  To put it another way:

Your political opponents are not idiots, delusional, brainwashed, or evil; they simply differ from you in their views.

Now, there are those who are are ill-informed, irrational, or just plain crazy; even though they seem to get an exceptional amount of media coverage (normally because they are much more entertaining than the well-informed, rational, sane supporters of a particular position), the crazy ones  don’t represent all, or even the majority, of the members of any sizable political organization.  Judging an entire position on the basis of a few supporters gives just as biased a view as judging all the members of a race based on a few members thereof.

Limbaugh and Moore: Biased, but apparently talented member of a colonial era band

The Trouble With Political Commentary

So why does it continue to happen?  Well, as mentioned, the crazy, irrational commentators get a lot more press, and make for much more entertaining show hosts for the wide variety of political talk shows out there (at least, for those who agree with the political positions espoused in said shows).    As Cracked notes, for a successful talk show, you need to have both a consistent thesis (liberals are taking your freedoms, conservatives are selling out your freedoms to big business, aliens are kidnapping our puppies, etc.) and commentary on current events; unfortunately, the former tends to overshadow the latter.

Of course, it doesn’t help matters that there are numerous issues that are naturally divisive.  From abortion to homosexual marriage, there are some issues where due to differing religious, moral, and/or ethical views, coming to an agreement that satisfies all parties is difficult, if not impossible.  Some issues, by their very nature, lead parties with different views into conflict (if you believe that life begins as conception, abortion will always be tantamount to murder; likewise, if you believe that women should have absolute control over their own bodies, forcing a woman to carry a pregnancy to term will always seem like slavery; finding a middle ground is hard, if not impossible), other issues bring the desires of a minority into conflict with the will of the majority (does the majority of a city or state have the right to prevent a homosexual couple from marrying, or does the couple’s rights to privacy and to do what they wish in their own bedroom over ride majority objections?); in either event, you end up with a situation in which intelligent, well-meaning, educated people disagree.

Once the issue gets into the media echo chamber and distorted by each side in attempts to appeal to their base, it’s even harder for those rational people to create a concensus among all the groups trying to shout each other down.  At best, you end up with at least one group horribly disappointed when the other group gets their way; more often, you end up with everyone disappointed by the eventual agreement that is reached.

What to Do

On a national level, there’s little that one person can do change the current state of politics.  (Unless that one person is someone like Glen Beck or Keith Olbermann; in theory, they hold the kind of power and influence needed to change the entire tone of politics in the country.)  There is quite a bit you can do on the individual level, though, to avoid falling into the worst pitfalls of the political realm, such as:

1) Remember that those who believe different things politically aren’t delusional or evil: The same comment I used to open this article is one of your strongest defenses against falling into the belief that your way of looking at issue, and only your way, is the only logical conclusion one can draw about an issue.  Although it may not always make sense to you, they likely have their own reasons for their particular beliefs.

2) Expose yourself to alternative viewpoints: If you’re like most people, this could be as simple as going to a family reunion and starting any vaguely politically motivated conversation.  In case you would rather not subject yourself to the angry yelling of your relatives (at you or each other), there’s plenty of other ways to find out about viewpoints outside of your own.  If you are a conservative who wants more knowledge of left-leaning views, Alternet is a good place to start; for those of us on the left, I’ve heard good things about RedState.  (Although, honestly, I need to take more of my own advice on this point and try to follow more conservative thinking.)  At the very least, you’ll gain a valuable insight into how your ‘enemies’ think.

3) Realize that you might be wrong: Hard as it might be to admit, we are all fallible.  Perhaps, as you’re doing your research into what other political beliefs, you’ll find information that you hadn’t considered before, or viewpoints that you didn’t hear before.  Your position might prove to be partially or entirely misguided, and you might need alter your views.  If you keep an open mind, who knows; you might just develop a new view of the world around you.

There was a bit of a shuffle over the comments of Rand Paul (Republican candidate for Senate in Kentucky) and John Stossel (media commentator, now on Fox) regarding the Civil Rights Act.  Rand Paul came out in favor of allowing private businesses to discriminate on the basis of race (only private businesses; he favored continuing to require government to behave in a non-discriminatory manner).  John Stossel then came to Paul’s defense in the this particular case, arguing that ‘The free market, as usual, will address the problem.  It punishes racists.  A business that doesn’t hire blacks will lose customers and good employees.  It will atrophy while its more inclusive competitors thrive.’

Stossel raises an interesting point: could the free market have ended discrimination without government intervention?  Or were the government actions like the Civil Rights Act and its prohibitions on employment discrimination a needed remedy to the segregation era?

(As an aside, Paul has said that he supports nine of the ten total titles in the Civil Rights Act while opposing one of them.  A perusal of the titles of said act seems to indicate that the one that gives him trouble is Title II, which prohibits ‘discrimination in hotels, motels, restaurants, theaters, and all other public accommodations engaged in interstate commerce’; being the only title in the act that affects privately owned businesses, that would seem to be the part of the bill in question.)

The Free Market Alternative

First, a few words to defend Mssrs. Paul and Stossel: they do raise a decent point.  Assuming all other things being equal, businesses that voluntarily restrict their clientele will find themselves at a disadvantage economically.  In business, the only color that really matters is green (money, that is), and refusing to accept the money of a certain group on the basis of skin color is a poor business decision, putting you at a disadvantage to your competitors.

Let’s have an example.  We have two diners in a particular town, White’s and Gray’s.  White’s only serves Caucasians, while Gray’s serves any race.  Let’s say further that the area where these two competing diners are located has a population that is 90% white and 10% black.  White’s, by voluntarily restricting the type of people they allow to be served there, should receive less money than Gray’s, which will get all of the black diner patrons as well as a sizable portion of the white patrons.  (To say nothing of ALL the white diner patrons who, like Paul and Stossel, personally oppose discrimination and would not support a restaurant that discriminates against other races.)  All other things being equal, Gray’s will get more business, take in more money, and prosper, while White’s will sputter along, and eventually fade away.  The free market has done its job again.

The Reality of the World

In the real world, things aren’t quite that simple; there are many ways that White’s (or any businesses that opt to discriminate) could prove successful, even without black (or other minority) patrons.  For example, let’s suppose that a sizable portion of the population opposes integration (certainly reasonable in some areas of the country, even now; back when the Civil Rights Act was passed, that was rule, not the exception, in large parts of the country).  This group visits White’s exclusively, providing them with a dedicated, committed clientele who help to keep White’s in the black, even without any minority patronage.

There are also other ways to discriminate, of course, besides refusal of service.  A business that served black patrons, but charged them a higher price (or simply forced them to sit in a particular area, much as diners in the Jim Crow era kept black patrons from sitting at the counter) would enable a business such as White’s to have its money and discriminate, too.  Think of Rosa Parks on the bus; while charging her the same amount as the white passengers, the bus driver (and the bus company that set the policy the driver was following) was doing his best to provide her with inferior service.

None of this discussion so far even gets into the fact of employment.  If companies are able to hire only whites for their businesses, or to pay black employees less than white ones (both possible if we take a strictly hands off policy when it comes to any business owned privately), we can end up in a situation where black (and other minority) workers are less well off than whites, have less opportunity to use work as a way of building up wealth for themselves, and less chance to help their children get ahead, helping to perpetuate the cycle for another generation.

The Conclusion

It’d be nice to live in a world where discrimination is a relic of a by-gone era, where everyone looks back on racism as a completely and wholly alien idea, where discussions over repealing civil rights laws are purely academic.  Alas, we’re not there yet (although, I like to think that we’re getting closer); there are segments of the society, in some places powerful and influential segments, who want to use economic and legal means to keep the people they dislike from attaining power, on the basis of race, creed, gender, or some other personal trait.

Listen, Rand Paul and John Stossel, I understand the desire to get government off your back; nobody wants to be looking over their shoulder constantly, worrying that the government will levy huge fines or shut down their business because they missed a hiring quota or were otherwise unfairly judged to be discriminatory.  But the problem is that without that fear of government intervention, there’s a sizable number of businesses, particularly small businesses, that would have no problem discriminating against minorities in hiring and service.

We as a society have decided that laws like the Civil Rights Act should exist, in spite of any infringement on individual rights that might result.  Perhaps Mssrs. Paul and Stossel are correct, and we’ve advanced enough as a society that repealing the Civil Rights Act will have no (or incredibly minor) ill effects on society at large.  But I don’t think we’re ready to take that chance (and given Paul’s backing away from his statement and repeated support for the act as a whole, he apparently feels the same).  For now, I’m happy with civil rights legislation as it stands, and until I see an overwhelming swell of support for its repeal (with a sizable amount of that support coming from traditionally discriminated against groups; getting a majority of white people to support the right to discriminate could just mean they want to discriminate), I’m fine with keeping the status quo.

For most of us, the main motivation to get up and go to work in the morning is the desire for a pay check.  After all, that’s practically the definition of work; something you wouldn’t normally want to do, but are willing to do in exchange for money.  Yes, there are other reasons to work, from the chance to better all humankind to simply having something to do every day, but primarily, it’s all about the money.

That said, there are some jobs where the intangible benefits of the job itself make me think that I’d be willing to take them on without any compensation.  These ‘dream jobs’ are the type that I’d consider doing, even if they’d pay so little (if at all) that I’d have to take a second (and possibly third) job just keep food on the table while doing so.  Some of these jobs are…

Playboy Photographer: It’s hard to imagine a man who wouldn’t want to take on this particular task (with the exception of those men who’d rather work for Playgirl, that is); heck, it was one of Homer Simpson’s dream jobs, along with rock star.  With the possible exception of ‘Being Hugh Hefner’ (a job that is, alas, already taken), there’s few examples of employment that sound more appealing.  There is a slight risk, I suppose, that spending hours each day trying to get the best shots of attractive, nude women could wear on you, and the last thing you’d want to see when you go home is your significant other naked, but that’s the kind of risk I’d be willing to take.

Not a Playboy Photographer, as far as I know; but did you really think I was going to use a picture from Playboy?

Penthouse Photographer: Actually, I suppose this is rather similar to being a Playboy photographer.  Somewhat naughtier magazine, slightly less prestigious, but still, the photographers employed there get to spend all day taking pictures of nude women; it’s not a bad deal.  Let’s just lump all such positions into one ‘gets to take naughty pictures of attractive females’ job and move on from there.

*Flips through a few pages of the Dream Job list*  Wow, there were a lot more naughty jobs than I thought at first.  That might say more about me than about how good the job would actually be.  Ah, here’s a non-naughty one:

Ruler of the World: Another position where the fringe benefits vastly outweigh the actual duties and responsibilities of the job.  As Tears for Fears put it, “Everybody Wants To Rule The World”; there’s something about the thought of lording it over all humanity that appeals to our innate desires.  Admittedly, the actual job of ruling would likely be tough and require long hours; still, it’s hard to say that that would be enough to dissuade me from wanting to pursue the position.  Of course, I don’t need to shoot that high to gain power…

Ruler of a Small Island Nation: Perhaps trying to take over the world is a bit much; it’s a goal that has thus far thwarted everyone from Pinky and The Brain to Stewie Griffin, and they had the advantages of being cartoon characters to help them out.  No, maybe I should set my sights lower, on a single nation.  Preferably something small, out of the way, unlikely to draw much attention if it suddenly is taken over by a benevolent ruler.  Perhaps something in the South Pacific; if you’re going to rule over an island, why not one with a great climate?  Although, the native uprisings and all that international diplomacy could get tiring; still, it’s a darn sight better than working in retail.

Superhero: Strong, fast, muscular, and able to pull off skintight spandex; there’s a lot to like about the superhero profession.  Plus, you don’t get paid for doing it, making it a perfect fit for our list already.  It has its downfalls, as well; supervillains constantly trying to destroy the world, the country, the city, or you, personally.  Still, you don’t see many of them around currently, so maybe I’ll luck out if and when I develop super powers.  Of course, there’s always the alternative path…

Supervillain: Not a bad alternative; just an evil one.  Besides having many of the same advantages as a superhero, there’s also no need to be noble and refuse compensation for using your powers; that’s the whole reason why you’d use them, to derive a profit or gain power.  True, a life of crime isn’t for everyone, but it’s definitely worth some consideration.

Mad Scientist: Similar to supervillain, although even more dependent on my extreme, twisted intellect.  From re-animating the dead to building doomsday devices to…re-animating the dead some more, there’s a lot you can accomplish with nearly impossible science, a willing supplier of all the money and supplies you need, and an almost reckless disregard for the laws of man and nature.  Plus, shrink rays!  Everyone loves shrink rays!

That’s about it; the jobs I’d do for free.  Admittedly, the number of openings for these positions is fairly small; they wouldn’t be dream jobs if they were open to just anyone.  Still, if you happen to have an ‘In’ with Playboy (or wherever I’d go to get a job as a despot or super-powered comic book character), let me know; I’m ready and willing to start my dream job at any time.