The Amateur Financier

So, I am apparently quite an idiot when it comes to blogging, after all.  I was looking at my Feedburner information, and made an edit to my feed address.  Low and behold, when I finally returned to Feedburner, I discovered that the number of people following my feeds had dropped to about one fifth the previous total.  Non-techie that I am, I didn’t think that changing the feed address would automatically cut off the feeds of everyone who had been watching me.  (Being a man, and a fan of multi-tasking, I didn’t read the warnings listed on Feedburner until AFTER I made these changes.)

Well, what’s done is done, and I lack both the knowledge and ability to reverse the feed address now that I’ve changed it.  I’m going to have chalk this up to a valuable learning experience, and do my best not to repeat it any time soon.  In the mean time, I need to just spread the word on my change of feed address (although, I’ve already regained nine of my original sixty some odd readers, so apparently word is getting around somehow.  I’ll have to do my best to alert the rest of my former followers to my mistake and ask them to start following the new feed.

Now that all the important announcement type stuff is out of the way, it’s time to get to the real fun of this post: the great articles from around the web that I’ve come across.  Because I’ve been so sluggish about getting back to reading my feeds following my trip with Sondra, I’ve got several weeks backed up that I’m to go through.

Contests

Let’s start with a contest that I won: The Find the Kraken contest held by Money Funk!  (It was also announced here.)  I managed to find the Kraken, followed the instructions, and won a $25 dollar Fandango gift certificate.  I’m absolutely ecstatic about it; now I just need to find a good movie or two I can take Sondra to.

Reader Input Needed: Let’s Solve Our Problems – A contest from 20s Money, with prizes yet to be announced, that asks readers to help solve some of the most pressing problems in the world today.  Here’s hoping some good solutions come up, and that some politicians happen to be listening in!

Good Yakezie Posts

Doing Anything You Can to Survive-Silence and Surprise in the Night – A chance encounter with a ‘lady of the night’ leaves Financial Samurai wondering about prostitution and what you would be willing to do in order to survive.

Combat the Closing Techniques: The Consultative Closing – Finally, a closing technique that you don’t have to fight with every fiber of your being.  Here’s hoping more corporations start putting an emphasis on cooperation with the consumer as a method of selling, so that Eliminate the Muda doesn’t have to keep doing these posts.

Debt Free News from a Debt Free Reader – I love to hear stories about people getting out of debt, and Enemy of Debt rarely disappoints.  Learn about Don of MoneyReasons and his journey out of debt.

Greenwash: Clorox Green Works – With environmentalism being one of the latest big things, businesses are looking to cash in, making their products ‘greener’ with natural ingredients and less harmful preparation methods.  Of course, as Mrs. Money notes, some companies find it better to make their products appear green without actually making them more environmentally friendly (that is, ‘greenwashing’).

14 FREE Ways to Spend a Friday Night (Fun Included) – A guest post on the Canadian Personal Finance Blog, a whole list of good ways to spend an evening that won’t cost you a cent.  I especially like the movie critic night and book club; it’s good to be social as well as frugal.

The Fair Tax: Is It Too Good to Be True? – In a word, yes.  Joe Plemon makes an excellent case for the Fair Tax (one which I’ve made in the past) and I ended up playing Devil’s Advocate and pointing out some of the flaws (or at least, unanswered questions that remain).  If you’re looking for a good view of the tax, pros and cons, it’s worth reading.  (I’ll have to post my own ‘problems with the Fair Tax’ entry later this week.)

What’s An Emergency? – A good question, especially since so many of us have ‘emergency funds’ devoted to paying for just such situations.  Ninja of Punch Debt in the Face discusses his pending need to buy furniture for a new place, but wondering how to pay for it.  Definitely food for thought (as I’ve nearly exhausted my own emergency funds…)

Maximize Your Retirement Account – A good examination of the advantages of investing in a retirement account, as well as ways to find money to invest.  Christine of Money Funk fame provides some excellent advice, as well as sharing her own situation.

The Scarlet “D” – If you’re eager to get a clean financial record, “Debt” can be as much of a mark of shame as a big red A sewn on your clothing.  Stay At Home Mom CFO talks about the shame that her persistent debt still causes her.

Why 99.7% of Investors Should Avoid Actively Trading Stocks – From the cost of trading that adds up when regularly trading to the competition with corporations armed with supercomputers and dozens, hundreds, or even thousands of employees, there are many reasons why active stock trading doesn’t work for most small investors.  Luckily, Austin is here to remind us of all these factors.

Fixed or Variable Mortgage? – A question posed by Young and Thrifty, though dealt with by anyone who needs a mortgage to purchase a home (which is most of us).  High risk tolerance and healthy finances seem to be the key if you are looking at a variable mortgage.

Never Lend Money to Friends and Family! – Excellent advice; there are few things that strain relationships more than money issues (politics and love being the few that pop in my mind).  As Elle of Couple Money notes, if you must give money to a friend or family member, it’s probably best to make it a gift, not a loan.

Recurring Expenses Can Kill Your Budget-Choose Wisely – Recurring expenses, those you have to pay on a regular (weekly, monthly, quarterly, etc) can quickly add up, costing you much more than you expects.  As Free From Broke reminds us, we have to choose which of these expenses we consider truly worthy and limit ourselves to those if we hope to grow our wealth.

Financial Freedom…Now What? – Reaching that point where you have enough money to do whatever you want is a goal many of us have, bu what then.  Ryan of Planting Dollars asks what you would do if you had health and wealth enough to indulge your deepest desires.

9 Overlooked Tax Tips for Self-employed Folks like Me – Seeing as I’m slowly moving towards self-employment, it seems (if I can turn this blog into an even better source of income, I’d stop looking for another job in a heartbeat).  This guest post on Wealth Pilgrim provides a nice list of possible tax deductions for the self-employed out there.

5 Ways You are Wrecking Your Finances – A nice list of ways people get into trouble in the first place, as noted by SingleGuyMoney.  Avoid making these mistakes, and you’ll never need to use advice on how to fix your finances.

What is Your Credit Card Payoff? – A nice article on Redeeming Riches about a tool to figure out how long it will take you to pay off your credit card balance.  I’ve been able to pay off my card every month, but if I wasn’t, I’d definitely want to know when’s the soonest I could get the debt monkey off my back.

Where The Amateur Financier Was Mentioned

Free From Broke mentioned the last in my series covering different schools of thought on money, Moneyisms: The Austrian School

Monevator made some excellent points about the nature of markets (and human reactions), as well as explaining why pessimism of the ‘the market is down, it will never rise again’ type is never a good thing.  Oh, he also mentioned my review of On the Wealth of Nations.

Speaking of Monevator, he also mentioned my post reminding everyone that Correlation is Not Causation while discussing immigration.

My review of Unautomate Your Finances was mentioned (and quoted) by Baker, the author himself, in a round-up featuring commentary on the book.  Not too shabby, if I do say so myself.

Coffeecents, a blog on WordPress, wrote an article on sunk costs, and linked back to my own piece on that same concept.

My article on the new health care bill here in America was referenced as background information for Joe Plemon’s article about said bill; before too long, the Amateur Financier will standard classroom study material!

It’s here once again, that day when we all (or at least, all us Americans) look at our relationship with the planet on which we live and see how we can improve it (or at least, keep the Earth from getting too outraged and chucking us into space to fend for ourselves).

Fortunately for us, there’s lots of intersection between how to live frugally and how to live environmentally friendly.  Both lifestyles put much more emphasis on planning for the long term, cutting down the amount we consume, and looking toward the future we leave ourselves and our children when we’re old and gray (or have transferred our minds in self-sustaining holographic bodies to cheat the Reaper; trust me, it’s coming).  Here’s a few ways to save some money AND help to do at least a little bit toward saving the planet:

1) Reduce: The first of the three R’s, and one of the foremost points of good personal finance (right after, or possibly intermingled with, ‘spend less than you earn’).  If you reduce the amount of ‘stuff’ you on which your spend your money (and to which you and society at large commit materials), you can cut your expenses and also decrease your impact on the planet.  Ways to reduce your use of resources (and spending of money) include:

• If you don’t need (or really, really want) it, don’t buy it: It seems a bit trite, but then, so do most simple solutions to complex problems.  Limiting the amount of ‘stuff’ you purchase will help you to save your money and keep resources from being used to make even more stuff.
• Try to make more stuff yourself: One of the advantages of making things yourself, from your own meals to furniture (if you’re really handy, at least) is that you can usually reduce the amount of waste generated as a by-product.  You can also usually get the raw materials cheaper than you could the finished product (compare the cost of a meal in a restaurant to one you cook yourself, for example), allowing you to save money while you are expanding your skills.
• Buy in bulk: This one may seem counter-intuitive; how can buying more help you to use less?  But consider that buying larger quantities usually cuts down on the amount of packaging used; buying one 50 unit box rather than five 10 unit boxes will generally use much less packing material.  Add in the fact that the larger packages generally have a lower per unit price, and it’s a win all around.

2) Reuse: The second of the three environmental R’s, and a great way to cut down your expenses, as well.  If you’ve limited your purchases and make sure to reuse everything that you can, you’ll be well on your way to cutting your expenses and minimizing the impact you have on the Earth.  Some hints on how to do so include:

• Buying reusable items: There’s been a trend as of late toward disposable items, from disposable plates to mop heads.  In almost every case, you’ll be able to save much more money by buying a more durable, non-disposable version and reusing it after cleaning.  (The environmental case for reusing materials is not so clear cut, as using all that water in washing every time negates some of the environmental benefits, but it’s still generally recommended.)
• Share the wealth: If you no longer need something (like baby clothing once your children are no longer babies), pass it along to friends or family members who do have babies, cutting down how many sets of adorable bunny costumes need to produced, to cite one embarrassing example from my youth.  Bonus: If you do need something in the future (a sudden addition to the family, for example), you can ask for the item back, reusing it even more.  My extended family passed baby clothing back and forth between my mother and her sisters for nearly a decade (I had a lot of cousins who were born during the Reagan years).
• Share the wealth (stranger edition): What if you have a small family, or nobody in said family wants to share with you?  Well, strangers are pretty good sources of stuff, too; sites like Freecycle enable you to get things that you need, and pass on what you don’t need anymore to someone else.  Both opinions cut down on the amount of resources used.

3) Recycle: You knew it was coming; the third and most famous of the three R’s.  Recycling items that you can no longer use cuts down on the number of raw materials used (well, in theory; as already mentioned, the math gets tricky in some cases).  Want to maximize your benefit to the Earth while minimizing those tricky complications?  Try to:

• Take advantage of existing recycling programs: If your city has an existing recycling program, where a truck comes around to collect material put out for recycling on street, for example, why not use it?  The added fuel burned from one more stop is likely negligible, and you’re likely to be paying for the program anyway via property or other taxes.
• Make your own recycling program: Remember in grade school when you would use brown paper bags to cover your school books?  That’s the sort of recycling you can do to ensure that you’re benefiting the planet and not hurting it.  Find other uses for broken or old items, even if you have to take them apart to do so, can keep your environmental footprint (and spending) as small as possible.

That’s all, folks; hopefully, you have wonderful Earth Day, and find plenty of ways to save the planet (and your wallet) today and every day!

You might think, after reading the title to this post, that I’ve lost my mind, or at least, am trying to boost my blog’s visibility on the search engines.  (For some odd reason, anything that involves young attractive women garners a sizable amount of attention.)  That’s not the case (well, the second one might be a tiny bit true); there’s actually a serious question to be answered here.

Specifically, that question is why, in our current legalistic, anti-discriminatory environment, can Hooters get away with hiring um, ‘highly qualified’ young women while keeping out the older women, the ‘less qualified’, and of course, men?  (By the way, I’m still looking for a job, so if any Hooters managers in the Northwest Pennsylvania area are hiring, give me a ring.)

The only 'Hooters' you're going to see in this article; sorry to disappoint.

In other businesses, there’s been a movement away from such hiring requirements.  To cite just one example, stewardesses (back before they were flight attendants) used to have a long list of qualifications in order to hold their position, from height and weight restrictions (arguably important when space is limited, as on early planes) to being women (that’s starting to get a bit questionable) to being young, attractive, and unmarried (can you see those qualifications ‘flying’ today without leading to protests and legal actions?).

Now, of course, such restrictions have all but disappeared in the flight attendant field; I’ve been on several flights, and the stereotypical beautiful female stewardess (launcher of a thousand ‘Coffee?  Tea?  Or Me?’ jokes) hasn’t appeared on a single one.  (More often than not, I have a male flight attendant; this is probably for the best, as my last flight was with my fiancee.)   Given all of this, why can Hooters use gender and ‘high qualifications’ as a hiring qualification while airlines can’t?

Bona Fide Occupational Qualifications

The answer is bona fide occupational qualifications.  Title 29, Chapter 14, Section 623 of the United States Code (wow, that’s a mouthful) allows companies and other employers to make particular qualifications a condition of employment, even ones that violate other sections of the anti-discrimination law, in situations:

where age is a bona fide occupational qualification reasonably necessary to the normal operation of the particular business, or where the differentiation is based on reasonable factors other than age, or where such practices involve an employee in a workplace in a foreign country, and compliance with such subsections would cause such employer, or a corporation controlled by such employer, to violate the laws of the country in which such workplace is located.

The goal of this subsection is to prevent anti-discrimination laws from forcing companies or other organization to make hiring decisions that would oppose the mission of said organization.  The Catholic church doesn’t have to hire non-Catholic priests, bus and plane companies can set age, eyesight and physical fitness requirements to ensure rider safety, and companies in countries that prohibit women from working can hire all men for their operations in those countries.

All of this gives Hooters the legal protection that they need to justify their hiring practices.  You can legally hire only attractive women to work in your wing and beer joint if they are necessary for the normal operation of the business.  (No argument from me; goodness knows that with all the places to get wings and beer, you need to have something to set your chain apart from the crowd.)

This hasn’t stopped several men from raising law suits regarding discrimination against men in Hooter’s hiring practices.  In response, Hooters has raised the bono fide occupational qualifications argument, that their qualifications for waitresses are needed for the business model to work.  (Again, when your business model is getting guys to come in, ogle girls, drink, and eat wings, it helps to have plenty of cute, attractive girls in skimpy outfits to facilitate the ogling.)  As a result, Hooters has added positions for men (again, I’m available), although for the waitresses, it’s still young, cute, ‘highly qualified’, and of course, female.

So, next time you head out to visit your local Hooters, remember: you’re not just trying to get drunk, eat wings, and stare at cute girls, you’re supporting an innovative business using a bono fide occupational qualifications methodology to support sales.  If that works on your wife, girlfriend, or other significant other, let me know; there’s no way I’m trying on Sondra without some proof.

(Warning: This article (and for that matter, the book it’s reviewing) makes fairly frequent use of the word bull**** (without the apostrophes) as well as other terminology that you may find offensive.  If you would be offended by such terms, I suggest you vacate the blog entry now.  If not, then welcome!  Please feel free to read on.)

Office speak, corporatese, and other forms of weasel-words are prevalent in the modern office environment.  Whether to spare feelings (see ‘downsizing’ as opposed to ‘firing’), to disguise true intentions (again, see ‘downsizing’), or simply the result of trying to keep up with the company down the street in terms of utter incomprehensibility to outsiders or other plain thinking people (did I mention ‘downsizing’?), an unusual vocabulary dominates the modern corporate landscape.  How can you even figure out if you’re being insulted or complimented with all the slang being tossed around?

Enter The Dictionary of Bull****.  A compendium of useful (and too often over-used words) for surviving in the modern corporation, there’s plenty of information to be found.  Just about every word you’ve heard hurled around by a middle manager (or mentioned in a Dilbert (c) strip, if you’re lucky enough to not be a cog in a large corporate machine) is included, complete with a snarky definition.  Is it a useful resource or just a waste of time?  Let’s read on and see!

Summary

Most of the book is laid out in dictionary style, covering various buzzwords in alphabetical order.  While fitting for a book with ‘dictionary’ in the title, it makes for a rather boring chapter by chapter summary (‘After the As, the next chapter covered words that begin with a B’), instead we’re going to look at several example definitions to show you what sort of snarky (that’s snide and sarcastic, by the way) definitions you’re going to encounter:

Accountancy: the art of lying, in a dull manner, using lots of numbers and charts

Blog: 1. an acronym for Boring Loser Of Grand-design

Customer: 1. pleb, idiot

E-tailer: 2. a cutesy reworking of ‘retailer’ in time honored e-fashion

Guesstimate: 1. a half-assed estimate

Homer, to pull a: to succeed in spite of being a complete idiot, derived from the exploits of animated TV star Homer Simpson.

Key: 2. of a person or element of a project or process: eminently dispensable, often forgotten.

Layoff: 2. firing people

Out of the Loop: 1. uninvolved 2. shut out 3. excluded 4. shunned 5. unloved

Quality Control: The process of ensuring that all products are manufactured to an acceptable standard; the process of filtering out obvious errors of judgment (rarely successful).

Runaround: See Wild Goose Chase

Staff Reduction: mass firing

User-centric: Impossible to use

Wild Goose Chase: See Runaround

Zoo, the: 1. What the sales team call the creative team, 2. What the creative team call the sales team, 3. What the production department call the entire company

Alright, that’s enough to give you a good taste.  Scattered throughout the definitions are a few boxes allowing you to create your own Bullshit Job Titles by choosing one word from each of three columns (giving results like ‘Principle Quality Liaison’).  Immediately after the definitions are a series of Bullshit Builders, which allow you to build your own bullshit sentences in much the same way.

The book ends with a series of short essays (no longer than five pages, at most) about different areas of bullshit.  There’s a chapter on sales bullshit, designed to help you thwart those people trying to sell you the latest and greatest devices.  There’s an example of mission statement bullshit that manages to use almost every buzzword from the dictionary part of the book.

The chapter on interviewing manages to mix some helpful advice in with the humor(good for anyone who actually intends to go on an interview).  There’s a chapter on how people bullshit with their bodies (and how you can bullshit back), and the book concludes with a chapter about how retailers attempt to bullshit you.

Pros

-Pretty Darn Funny: Most of the entries in this ‘dictionary’ are pretty hilarious, and it’s great fun to read through them, seeing which you’ve heard before and what they mean. (Hopefully, you heard them through comics or stories, rather than through your boss…)

-Decent Definitions: Once you get done having a chuckle at the definitions, you can stop and realize that it’s actually pretty accurate.  Most of the entries, while aiming to be funny first and foremost, give you a good idea of what the term actually means.  For terms with multiple definitions, there’s a tendency to give a straight definition for number 1 and joking definitions for the subsequent numbers.

Cons

-Pretty Offensive: Even getting aside the frequent use of the term ‘bullshit’ (and similar words), many of the definitions and other material ends up being rather derogatory to one group or another.  Just in the ones I provided, there are insults to accountants, bloggers (over two full pages of blog related terms are mocked), QC workers, salespeople, and retailers.  If you have a thin skin and an office job, there’s a good chance you’ll be offended before the book is over.

-Somewhat Soul-crushing: I’ll be completely up front: this is a very dark humor book. If you are in a job where these terms are tossed around regularly, this book is a bit like salt for the wound.  Even if you aren’t in such a job, it’s still a bit depressing to think about how many people have to deal with the stuff mentioned in this book everyday.

Conclusion

The Dictionary of Bull**** could be a good book for you if you don’t mind a bit of dark, dry British humor to go with your job.  It provides some fairly solid definitions with plenty of laughs (hopefully, not at your own expense) along the way.  Just one last thing: if your job sounds too much like this book, you might want to consider a career change.